How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
