Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
