why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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