Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
