totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
