So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
