i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
