sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
