You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
