erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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