before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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