listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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