Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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