I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
