need another drink. this is the easiest way
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
