You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
