I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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