Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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