why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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