I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
