dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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