Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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