I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
