Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
