....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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