...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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