hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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