Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I puked a lego.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
