I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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