My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
