wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
