how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
