He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
