careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
