dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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