I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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