Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
