dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
