You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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