he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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