I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
