Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
