I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
