i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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