I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
