I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sober January is a disaster.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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