Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
