Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize