My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
