first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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