Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
