i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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