No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
