I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
