my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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